new to you friday–first, do no eharmony

I continue to meet couples who discovered each other via eHarmony and other online dating sites………and I continue to be skeptical based on my own experience. Bottom line: if I’m compatible with some of these people in 29 different ways, I have no business dating—I need to go work on myself.

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone……….

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Neil Clark Warren must be laughing all the way to the bank. Millions of people have subscribed (at $20-$50 a month) to his online dating service, eHarmony, since its launch in 2000. In 2006, the site announced over 16,000 eHarmony couples had already married, and hundreds more hopefuls join the site each day. Users are attracted to the Christian branding (Warren initially marketed the site through Focus on the Family) and patented “personality profile” which allegedly matches you to singles with whom you share sociability, energy levels, intellect, and other characteristics.

This weekend I’m in Colorado for the wedding of one of my closest friends, who met her soon-to-be-husband online, and in the past couple of weeks I’ve reconnected with several other friends who met their spouses through online dating services. Online dating seems to have lost its stigma (although several of those friends still hesitate to tell others they met through a website), but I remain skeptical.

Time magazine recently named eHarmony one of its 5 worst websites; “Our main beef with this online dating site is its power to cause utter despair,” they wrote. I experienced more disbelief than despair; one match was most passionate about, and I quote, “Wielding the sword of truth against the powers and principalities of darkness” (yikes). Another claimed to routinely fall asleep in the shower (how is one question; why he chose to reveal that to a total stranger is another). I “talked” to a variety of others, including one I dated for several months before realizing we were actually spectacularly incompatible. Thanks, Neil Clark.

Perhaps despair IS more like it—this is who I’m most compatible with in “29 different dimensions”? What does that say about me??

Whether it’s Match.com, Yahoo Personals, or eHarmony, I’m glad my dear friends are finding love online. But I don’t plan on trying it again. Maybe it’s pride—I’d still rather tell my grandkids a meet cute story than a met online one—or maybe it’s just dating fatigue.


“I’m terrible at matching my clothes,” said one of my eHarmony matches. “This is kind of a last-ditch effort at finding someone,” said a second. “I really like to give high-fives,” shared yet another. Even The Committee seems successful compared to this.