new to you friday–first, do no eharmony

I continue to meet couples who discovered each other via eHarmony and other online dating sites………and I continue to be skeptical based on my own experience. Bottom line: if I’m compatible with some of these people in 29 different ways, I have no business dating—I need to go work on myself.

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone……….

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Neil Clark Warren must be laughing all the way to the bank. Millions of people have subscribed (at $20-$50 a month) to his online dating service, eHarmony, since its launch in 2000. In 2006, the site announced over 16,000 eHarmony couples had already married, and hundreds more hopefuls join the site each day. Users are attracted to the Christian branding (Warren initially marketed the site through Focus on the Family) and patented “personality profile” which allegedly matches you to singles with whom you share sociability, energy levels, intellect, and other characteristics.

This weekend I’m in Colorado for the wedding of one of my closest friends, who met her soon-to-be-husband online, and in the past couple of weeks I’ve reconnected with several other friends who met their spouses through online dating services. Online dating seems to have lost its stigma (although several of those friends still hesitate to tell others they met through a website), but I remain skeptical.

Time magazine recently named eHarmony one of its 5 worst websites; “Our main beef with this online dating site is its power to cause utter despair,” they wrote. I experienced more disbelief than despair; one match was most passionate about, and I quote, “Wielding the sword of truth against the powers and principalities of darkness” (yikes). Another claimed to routinely fall asleep in the shower (how is one question; why he chose to reveal that to a total stranger is another). I “talked” to a variety of others, including one I dated for several months before realizing we were actually spectacularly incompatible. Thanks, Neil Clark.

Perhaps despair IS more like it—this is who I’m most compatible with in “29 different dimensions”? What does that say about me??

Whether it’s Match.com, Yahoo Personals, or eHarmony, I’m glad my dear friends are finding love online. But I don’t plan on trying it again. Maybe it’s pride—I’d still rather tell my grandkids a meet cute story than a met online one—or maybe it’s just dating fatigue.


“I’m terrible at matching my clothes,” said one of my eHarmony matches. “This is kind of a last-ditch effort at finding someone,” said a second. “I really like to give high-fives,” shared yet another. Even The Committee seems successful compared to this.

happy blogiversery

Today marks three years for this blog! (And tomorrow involves a birthday with more threes…….heaven help us.) Here’s a look back…..

Ten of the posts I like best, for one reason or another:

Do we really want a country of McChurches?

The story is bigger than our short-term happiness.

Can Christians drink?

A Holiday Tip.

“Leadership” means dealing with reality—including conflict.

eHarmony: I’m not a fan.

If you must read “The Shack“……

On preaching politics from the pulpit….

Why I’d rather work for men.

An open letter to Tim Keller.

Ten of the posts that received the most feedback, on or off-line:

Apparently you can’t love trees and love God—or so say some readers.

How would Jesus vote?

Parents, please keep your crying kids out of worship services.

“Shout to the Lord” on American Idol…….oh, the drama.

The church’s response to homosexuality.

How I messed up the 2008 NACC.

So we saved ‘em. How do we disciple ‘em?

One attempt to start a small group.

All a-Twitter.

Is this it? I’m ready for more.

Ten people, places or things I still think you should check out:

Tokens Show

Andrew Peterson

Books by Henry Cloud

Christian Church Today

Design Intervention (both versions!)

What kind of church is this?

Ring the Bells: A Christmas Offering

Deadly Viper Character Assassins

Nichole Nordeman

Second Guessing God by Brian Jones

monvee

I recently blogged about the issues involved in encouraging and “measuring” discipleship in the local church. Several of you chimed in and, while we didn’t solve the problem, it was a great discussion.

At the time I knew about a tool that could revolutionize our approach, both as church leaders and individual believers, but I was sworn to secrecy. Now it’s in beta and I can blog about it!

Monvee is a new tool which some are calling “the eHarmony of spiritual formation.” Despite my annoyance with eHarmony, I’m willing to give this one a try. Monvee first discovers what’s unique about you with a short online survey: how you learn, the ways you grow, and the ways you like to connect with God. After this Discovery phase, it maps out a customized plan, or Roadway, with suggestions for growing in My Time, My Mind, My Experiences, and My Relationships. This plan would be great in itself, but the site also shows you where to start, links you with resources in each area, AND delivers the customized strategy to your email inbox. It can sync with your calendar, you can track your progress and connect with others online, and, if you take time to rate the resources, Monvee learns what works for you and further customizes its recommendations.

Best of all, the program is designed for use in the local church, so a staff team, a small group, or even the whole congregation can participate together and share the journey. Monvee also provides real-time reporting for church leaders so they can track the effectiveness of various programs.

The friends who introduced me to Monvee shared there’s a whole theological “back end” to the site, so it not only avoids generalized pat answers—”you need to journal”—it’s also more than a 2.0 way to sell products.

For years churches have wrestled with the best way to help their members grow. Small groups, church-wide Bible reading plans—despite the great intentions behind them, none are that effective. Even in-depth Bible study classes only go so far.

As John Ortberg says in the video below, disciples cannot be mass produced, they must be hand-crafted.  Monvee helps us take responsibility for our own spiritual growth while leaving room for The Potter to work with us individually…….and I really doubt it will recommend you build a relationship with someone who can’t match his clothes.

first, do no eHarmony

Neil Clark Warren must be laughing all the way to the bank. Millions of people have subscribed (at $20-$50 a month) to his online dating service, eHarmony, since its launch in 2000. In 2006, the site announced over 16,000 eHarmony couples had already married, and hundreds more hopefuls join the site each day. Users are attracted to the Christian branding (Warren initially marketed the site through Focus on the Family) and patented “personality profile” which allegedly matches you to singles with whom you share sociability, energy levels, intellect, and other characteristics.

This weekend I’m in Colorado for the wedding of one of my closest friends, who met her soon-to-be-husband online, and in the past couple of weeks I’ve reconnected with several other friends who met their spouses through online dating services. Online dating seems to have lost its stigma (although several of those friends still hesitate to tell others they met through a website), but I remain skeptical.

Time magazine recently named eHarmony one of its 5 worst websites; “Our main beef with this online dating site is its power to cause utter despair,” they wrote. I experienced more disbelief than despair; one match was most passionate about, and I quote, “Wielding the sword of truth against the powers and principalities of darkness” (yikes). Another claimed to routinely fall asleep in the shower (how is one question; why he chose to reveal that to a total stranger is another). I “talked” to a variety of others, including one I dated for several months before realizing we were actually spectacularly incompatible. Thanks, Neil Clark.

Perhaps despair IS more like it–this is who I’m most compatible with in “29 different dimensions”? What does that say about me??

Whether it’s Match.com, Yahoo Personals, or eHarmony, I’m glad my dear friends are finding love online. But I don’t plan on trying it again. Maybe it’s pride—I’d still rather tell my grandkids a meet cute story than a met online one—or maybe it’s just dating fatigue. “I’m terrible at matching my clothes,” said one of my eHarmony matches. “This is kind of a last-ditch effort at finding someone,” said a second. “I really like to give high-fives,” shared yet another. Even The Committee seems successful compared to this.