gray matters

I’m still catching up from my trip, so last week I finally read the Time magazine from May 9 with a cover story about the FBI’s progress (or lack of) in the last ten years. In addition to an overview of director Mueller’s operating style, the agency’s old-school culture, and the ways its agents are learning to work together, the article describes Mueller’s almost-resignation in 2004.

“At issue was a highly classified surveillance program, called Stellar Wind, that President Bush approved after 9/11. For the first time since Congress forbade the practice in 1978, the National Security Agency was spying on domestic communications traffic without a warrant. In the second week of March 2004, Attorney General John Ashcroft’s Justice Department ruled that Stellar Wind was illegal. The next day, Ashcroft fell gravely ill with acute pancreatitis. Bush sent two top aides to George Washington University Hospital, where the Attorney General lay in critical condition. White House counsel Alberto Gonzales and chief of staff Andrew Card Jr. asked the semiconscious Ashcroft to sign a document reversing the Justice Department’s ruling. Mueller arrived at the hospital just after Card and Gonzales retreated in defeat. His notes described Ashcroft as ‘feeble, barely articulate.’”

Bush then reauthorized Stellar Wind despite the Justice Department’s decision, and Mueller tells the president he will quit before carrying out this order. “Bush pulled back from the brink,” the story ends, “submitting to the Justice Department’s legal ruling.”


This anecdote wasn’t the point of the article; it was included as a comment on Mueller’s character, not the former president’s lack of it. But it left me wondering: why do we ignore the bad things our favorite political party does and trumpet the errors of the other party?

Many of my Facebook friends lean Republican, so I routinely see rants against Obama. Even this weekend there were angry comments because he golfed on Memorial Day after visiting Arlington, as if everyone else in the country spent the entire day leaving flowers on graves instead of grilling hamburgers and watching people in Indianapolis drive too fast.

I see unquestioning approval of Dubya. I see adoration of Palin and her book. Never, ever have any of my conservative friends ever commented on anything positive or helpful Obama has done.

I’m not the president’s PR committee, but I think it’s telling. If Obama’s administration tried to illegally spy on American citizens, trick a sick public official into reversing a ruling on the constitutionality of it and then ignore his decision, that’s all I’d read on Facebook for a week (and rightly so). Strangely, none of my friends have linked to the May 9 issue of Time.


Both presidents have major faults. They’ve both made decisions to disagree with. What I don’t understand is why we can’t be honest about that.

Bush banned partial-birth abortion, signed legislation to protect our forests and lakes, and changed the Medicare program to benefit seniors. He also lied about weapons of mass destruction, mishandled Hurricane Katrina and doubled the national debt. Obama has continued raising the deficit, he gambled considerable political capital and time on the health care reform issue, and he’s undercut Israel’s position with Palestine more than once. He also got us out of Iraq, expanded laws against hate crimes, and made a gutsy call that led to bin Laden’s capture.

Black and white positions are always more comfortable because they are both easy to understand and efficient to argue. (“The Bible says it, I believe it, and that’s that.”) Trouble is, the black and white perspective is almost always incomplete. Few issues are clear-cut. Few arguments can be blamed on just one participant. And few politicians are all bad or all good.


I’m sorry to my fundamentalist friends, religious, political or otherwise. I’m sorry to everyone who scores an off-the-chart “J” on the Myers Briggs. I’m sorry to those impatient with nuance. I’m sorry to both the reds and the blues who don’t want to think. But it is intellectually dishonest and just plain lazy to vilify one party and venerate the other.

a list for friday—thoughts from ten days in Europe

I promise this will be the last post about my trip (although you can see 7,000 pictures on Facebook). It was a wonderful experience, jet lag and all. Here are a few thoughts from my journal.

– Dear Air France: it is legal on both continents to keep the cabin temperature above 55 degrees. Just so you know.

– If you look up “beautiful,” “delightful,” or “charming” in the dictionary, I’m pretty sure it shows pictures of Paris in May.

– French men will flirt with any woman who breathes. We hadn’t showered or slept for 30 hours and a shopkeeper wanted me and Breanne to drink champagne with him. If we’d been clean and non-grouchy he might have proposed.

– Bree is flexible and a ton of fun to travel with. We share a love of museums, an interest in history, a willingness to ruin our dinner by eating apple strudel at 3 in the afternoon, a love of rainy days, AND she can read a map. Which I can’t.

– There are actually people masochistic enough to climb the stairs to the top of the Eiffel Tower. I am not one of them. Neither is Bree—another reason she’s quality.


– If there is a better breakfast than espresso, baguettes, cheese, butter and jam, I have yet to eat it.

– I work too much. Okay, not a revelation. I was practically giddy at the thought of 10 whole days without email, deadlines, errands, chores and task lists.

– The French have a reputation for being rude, and it’s true they don’t much like our attempts at speaking their language. But on the whole we found them much nicer than the Germans. The Deutschland’s waiters are especially grouchy. Local expats said it’s part of the culture since they don’t work for tips. Not wanting to disturb local culture, we just didn’t tip the nasty ones very much.

– The Louvre is stuffy, crowded and hard to navigate.


– The guidebooks imply Berthillon ice cream is so good the world will implode if you visit Paris without trying it. They may be right.

– I’m glad I got a Kindle.

– I wish the US had the cafe culture of Europe’s major cities, where you can sit outside and people watch, read, write or talk as long as you want. I would do most of my work from a cafe table if I lived there.

– Also, America needs more trains.


– French women wear scarves and look effortlessly chic. I look like a woman wearing a really big piece of material around her neck.

–Every store of every size sells beer and wine, and there’s no legal drinking age. Yet we saw very few drunk people, and most of the ones we did encounter were Americans. Make of that what you will.

–Some of Paris is propped up by huge underground catacombs of bones from its 18th and 19th century residents.

– The German people are a paradox. They love rules—more than once we were instructed (without explanation) to carry our bags a certain way in a museum or leave by the exit door instead of the entrance door right next to it. Then there’s the U Bahn and S Bahn trains–there are no turnstiles or barriers to walking on one without buying a ticket, yet everyone stood in line to buy them and validate them in automated machines before each ride.

It’s not surprising to me that this rigid, authority-pleasing group has historically been so easily influenced by dictators. On the other hand, there was also a lot of the random—museums arranged neither chronologically nor thematically, train lines shut down without warning, restaurants without signs. It’s an interesting dynamic.


– Their nuclear shelters are still ready to go. Can’t be too careful.

– If you spend five hours at Dachau, and you see the crematorium, and you walk through the prison, and you see pictures of the liberation, and you read about the torture, you will not talk much on the way home.

–I like sausages and sauerkraut more than I expected to.

– I still don’t like beer.

– Berlin has history from the Renaissance, World War 2, and the Cold War—sometimes all on the same block, along with some of the cheapest food and coolest museums in Europe. I’m in love. Also, unlike Paris, it never smells like pee.


– I need to go more often. I love the USA, but on the whole I think cities across the pond are more beautiful, have better food, and offer a richer culture. I’m already saving for the next trip.

a list for friday–things you will never hear me say

“Steven Tyler really has some insightful comments on American Idol, doesn’t he?”

“Actually, I’ve been looking for a reason to move to North Dakota.”

“Sure, let’s pierce that.”

“Do you have to kill the mouse?”

“I don’t know, running a marathon might be fun.”

“It’s fine that your dog barks all night—I’m just glad he’s happy.”

“Told you I’m a good bowler.”

“This pinot is lush and unctuous….I’m getting hints of cherry and currants with confident fruit-forward flavor notes that capture the soul of the soil.”

“The movie was better.”

“Shhhh…..football’s on.”

“Really wish I could gain a few pounds.”

“Palin 2012!”

“Of course you can take the whole Bible literally.”

“It’s been three days—guess it’s time for a shower.”


“Well, that’s what I think, but then I’m just a girl.”

Jen U

Last week I realized two things.

I spent three days in another gathering of great Christian leaders discussing church and cultural trends and theology. And I was reminded for the 389th time that because I’ve not gone to seminary or studied some of the thinkers and topics covered there, I have less to contribute to these discussions.

During this meeting we also had the opportunity to share something good happening in our ministries. From church merges or learning Spanish to preach in two languages (whoa) to community gardens feeding the homeless, these guys had great stories to share about making a difference. And I realized I once again had little to contribute because I spend my days crossing off copywriting and social media to-do lists that make groups like theirs successful.


“Helping organizations doing good to do better” is my Twitter bio and it’s grown into a fun career. But it means I have nothing that’s “mine”—nothing I lead, nothing I’ve launched. At the same time, I feel unequipped to strike out as a leader without more grounding in history, philosophy and strategy.

So I need a project and I need to learn—how did I not think of Jen University before now?

This new school will include books, blogs, podcasts and magazines. It will not include homework, papers, internships, sororities, or courses involving terms like “cosine” or “lipid.”

To paraphrase Good Will Hunting, you can get a great education for $1.50 in library fines (although I may use this as an excuse to buy a Kindle). I’m compiling a master list of stuff to read and I welcome your suggestions for the best resources in biblical studies, ministry trends, spiritual formation, leadership, theology and doctrine. (I’d even like to see the syllabi from your own graduate programs—email jen@seejenwrite.com.)


It”s time to think about what I want to accomplish before my status changes from “emerging leader” to “over 40, kind of emerged, and not that effective.” Tomorrow I turn 35 (good grief) and Jen U officially begins—Kindle donations welcome.

a list for friday—my jogging experience

For the past year or so I’ve used Friday as a time to introduce new readers to some older posts. (Read the whole series here).

Today we start something new for Fridays—lists about topics serious and not so. The first entry fits both categories, because I am seriously wondering why I started running.


My jogging experience so far:

Times I have jogged: 3

Average length of run, in miles: 1.8

Average pace: I’m not saying because you will mock me

Times I was chased by scary dogs: 5

Times I thought I would throw up: 1

Times I wanted to quit: 412

Hours, on average, it takes me to recover from each run: 2.5

Number of people who have assured me it gets better: 11

Good reasons to jog, including better health, calorie burn, stronger bones and the fabled “runner’s high”: 63

Moments I have enjoyed: 0

new to you friday–how to stop worrying

Be someone other than Jennifer Taylor.

Kidding, of course, although this is a good first step since I have completely mastered worrying and could compete at a Worry Olympics with other champions.


It began early.

Jen, age 5: (holding paper and crayons, sobbing): Mom, I can’t make my fours right. I make them backwards. (More sobbing.) Mrs. Pence makes her fours the right way and I can’t do it!

(Mrs. Pence was my kindergarten teacher, a lovely lady who introduced me to turnips and wrote a poem about me that had nothing to do with turnips before retiring the next year. But I digress.)

Mom: (patient smile): How old is Mrs. Pence?

Jen (trying to breathe): Old.

Mom: How long has she been making her fours?

Jen: A long time. Because she’s old.

Mom: How long have you been trying to do your fours?

Jen (a dim light dawning in her tear-soaked little brain): One day.

Mom: Right. I promise before you are old you will make your fours just fine. You just need to practice some more.

Sniffling and hugs…………….end scene.


So the ability to turn small issues into huge crises is one of my biggest gifts.

But I’m now closer to 35 than 5 (gulp) and it’s time to get a handle on this. Although the situations are far less common now, I still tend to turn into that teary five-year-old (inside, anyway) when things I care about don’t go as planned.

Worry is one of those acceptable sins, like gluttony and gossip, that we minimize or say we can’t help. Sometimes we also cause ourselves more worry by believing if we could just “trust God more” we would stop fretting, and therefore we are bad Christians with little faith.

I disagree with both perspectives.


I think it’s a control issue.


Author and Christian psychologist Henry Cloud writes, “Worry is often the non-acceptance of situations that you cannot do anything about.”

This is an amazing insight, because it positions worry as the symptom, not the core problem. The real issue is an inability to accept our lack of control over other people and circumstances. We are unable to accept that we may not get the house we put an offer on, or the job we interview for, or the relationship we want. We can’t control the other couple making an offer or the opinions of the interviewer or the feelings of the potential friend or date.

We can do some things, of course: work with a good realtor and make a competitive offer, research the company and practice our interview skills, share our wishes for the friendship. But ultimately we cannot make anyone else do anything, and we certainly can’t control the timeline of their response. We must simply do what we can and let it go. (This is where the trust-in-God discussion becomes more helpful.)

You lucky non-worrier types are thinking, “What’s the big deal? Of course you can’t control everything. Why waste all that emotional energy?” To which I say to you, on behalf of all worriers everywhere, yes, we know, and thank you for pointing out that we are wasting time and energy on this because now that gives us something else to feel bad about. Also, please ask your spouse what aspects of your “laid-back” personality drive them nuts.


As for me, one thing I have accepted is it’s time to deal with this issue, this year. After all, I did finally learn to make my fours. I can do this, too.

what singles want to tell your church

—We’re not a life stage. Although statistically many of us are in our 20s and early 30s, to equate singles ministry with a “college and career” group leaves many of us out. A divorced, widowed, or never-married person in her 30s, 40s and beyond has little in common with the never-married, childless, recent college graduates involved in these groups.

Singleness is not just a phase of life for the young who haven’t yet married—it’s a marital status that can be part of life at any age.

—We can do more. Whether it’s expanding that group to reach other singles like us, joining a Bible study, teaching VBS or serving on a praise team, many of us can often serve more and more often than our married friends. Although we have full lives and demanding jobs, those of us without kids probably have a bit more free time (and money) to contribute.

—But we need to be challenged. An occupational hazard of long-term singleness is selfishness. From the furniture in our homes to the appointments on our calendar, our lives revolve around our own needs and interests. We don’t want to be self-centered, but it takes effort. Challenge us to lead a small group, build homes in Mexico, or tutor a child.

—Invite us into community. These activities not only serve others, they create new ways for us to build relationships. We need regular opportunities to connect with other people because single life can be lonely, and we like the idea of the church as an extended family with room for us. But we don’t want to intrude on your literal family or be the proverbial fifth wheel. We love when you invite us to have lunch after church, include us in a holiday celebration, or encourage our relationship as an “aunt” or “uncle” to your child who thinks we’re awesome. (We are, by the way—and we give great birthday presents.)

—One is a whole number. We live in a culture geared toward couples, and we love you guys. But please don’t feel sorry for us. Most of us who want to be married eventually will be, and in the meantime we are enjoying life. Please don’t try to “fix” us by fixing us up (unless we ask you to, of course) or constantly reassure us we’ll find the right person someday. We’re working on becoming the right person, which is a better bet long-term and a lot more fun, too.


Singletons, what else do you want your church to know?

new to you friday–do overs

Which year of your life would you most like to live over again because it was great? And which year would you most like to live again so you could do things differently?

I’d love to re-live my senior year in college. My three closest friends and I had a two-room suite at the end of a hallway in the best dorm on campus. (One of the perks of having an RA as a roommate. The downside was we also had chores during fire drills.) I’ve never laughed so hard in my life or had so much innocent fun, which is the only kind you can have in western PA—it starts snowing in October and goes strong until April.

On the other hand, I’d like to re-do 2005 for some other reasons. Personally, professionally, emotionally, even physically—I’d make completely different choices knowing what I know now.




We don’t get a shot at either do-over, of course, but thinking about it can yield some good insights, maybe even some helpful discussions. Which years would you pick, and why?

subject lines of recent emails I have not opened

Forget everything you know about beef jerky!

6 ways to wear polka dots

Have a real “Dancing with the Stars” experience

Have you been wasting your life?

A lesson from Play-Doh

56% off Go-Karts


Wanna go to Guam?

Rachael Ray said, “I love this!”

New purses under $600

Get a free ham

Our CEO raps!

new to you friday–child’s play

Nashville’s been blessed with some wonderful 70-degree days lately, so I’ve been working from my front porch in the afternoons. I moved to a new neighborhood since I first posted this, but the squabbles among the kids haven’t changed. “Idiot Head” seems to be a universal insult.

———————————————————————————————

As last summer wound down, I wrote about my young neighbors and our occasional interactions. As a new summer begins the kids are back outside, and when my cocktail of allergy drugs makes it possible I like to have the windows open—which means I’m once again privy to their many arguments, negotiations, and meltdowns.


Some highlights from this week (imagine these in put-upon, fed-up little voices):

You are not LISTENING to me!

He has my stuff—that’s not FAIR!

You are not even smart. You don’t know what you are saying out of your face.

Come here. Come HERE. COME HERE!

You are a stupid IDIOT head.


Jesus said we must become like children to enter the kingdom of God. Although he meant we should have attitudes of humility and simple faith, we usually settle for simple immaturity instead. Thanks, God, for the thousands of years you have endured our complaining and bickering—all without the benefit of drugs.