things I don’t understand, part 7

Appetizers for cats.

Civil war reenacting.

Life insurance for babies. (The point of life insurance is to replace lost income. Unless your child stars on “Toddlers and Tiaras,” they are not adding to your bottom line. And if they are on that show, your life choices alone constitute an entire “things I don’t understand” list.)

Why it takes scissors and a paring knife to open DVD packaging. I thought DVDs were indestructible. Can’t we just put them in cardboard sleeves and call it good?

Taxidermy.

Why there must be pop music playing in every public space.

The question, “Cold enough for you?”

Voluntarily listening to the “Delilah” radio show.

Owning a pit bull.

Not writing thank you notes for wedding gifts. It takes 90 seconds per note! Write one or you don’t get a baby gift from me.

Why Marc Summers, host of the Food Network show “Unwrapped,” pauses for dramatic effect three words before the end……………….of every sentence.

(Previous installments, plus the SkyMall edition.)